So I started this blog at the ripe old age of 21. When I was young and slightly perkier (in every sense of the word) but it appears also, obviously and absolutely right.
Well of course I was and am, I’m a Leo, and I have a vagina and I’m always right because that’s just the rules. I know this because there’s definitely a Beyoncé hit somewhere about it. The only difference is now we have emojis to showcase how painfully awkward I am, instead of the need for excessive amounts of vodka, or more accurately VK blues. Although now it’s a case of less vodka, more Pinot darling and more pain when it comes to hangovers and wearing heels. 😑(personal fave, as it’s the closest to resting bitch face they have 🙄if I’m feeling adventurous).
Now some of the readers may be part of this infamous (but👏🏼 fucking 👏🏼insanely 👏🏼incredible) group called Girl Crew. But for right now, more specifically GC’s subculture of the lonely hearts, sassy daters and long term relation-braggers. (NB: I’m not being mean I’m just a jealous bitch that you’ve found the one and…well I’ve found carbs)
The dating and relationships forum.
Short of burning my bra, one thing I will say is this group has allowed me to regurgitate the equivalent of what I like to call (no offence intended) ‘disappointment Tourette’s’ that I’ve always wanted to publicly shout about on my own Facebook status, without the fear of sounding like the Katie Hopkins of the dating world, but less wanky and not only be famous because a wanky married farmer bent me over my well kept wanky field in which my wanky child called India probably now rides her wanky pony in. I think I’m actually bitter because India has a pony in all honesty.
Anyway way I detract. So I decided to write about my current dating ‘experiences’ as I’m now 27 and even though I may have developed sudden dark and dubious hairs on my chin, things are very similar yet very different in the dating game (Can you believe when I wrote my first blog piece we didn’t even have apps. Or television. Obviously I’m joking. However I can now watch porn without having to either wait in my room til 3am on a fuzzy tv or if I was really lucky, borrow my mum’s laptop and then delete my browsing history from four days ago (just to be safe and I still do that now on my own laptop), so my mum isn’t able to see that I’ve been looking at ‘how to squirt’ as I can finally afford my own MacBook 👌🏻- high definition Yasss Kween! – (which coincidently reminds me, don’t ever let your 21 year old male cousin borrow your laptop to watch your Netflix as it will destroy your ‘recommended for you’ options and also your faith in humanity).
So the next few posts will be very real and brutally honest experiences, without naming and shaming the other party, so in hope that we realise that in the dating game, it doesn’t have to be all M&S dine in for two (or one- don’t know who they’re kidding with that) meals and out of date references to 90s films about big pants and Mr Darcy.